[From Julie] Ladies, your husband is visual. I realize this is not news but what does that mean for you? This is always a tough concept to completely understand for women. One of the Peasant Princess sessions deals with this and Pastor Mark does a good job. It always generates lots of discussion in the group after we’ve watched the session together. The culture that we live in assaults men with provocative images of women that leave other women of all ages and sizes feeling inadequate. This is a double wammie.
I’m going to assume that you want to be attractive to your husband, however most women can find the faults in their own body very easily. Often wives would rather walk over hot coals than allow their husbands to see them naked for a prolonged period of time. We feel that we can’t compete with magazine covers and movie stars but I have got good news for ya. You don’t have to. What you do have to do is take your husband’s needs seriously. He is interested in seeing you in every state. With clothes and without. In shape and out of shape. Pregnant and postpartum (yikes). Young and old. Let him see. He needs this and so do you. Let me explain why.
For many years I thought that Noel wouldn’t want to see my body. I knew all about my imperfections and I didn’t want to see that, why would he. I would just rather he imagined what I looked like. I thought that would be way better. That’s not exactly helpful. You probably can’t compete with the magazine covers and the movie stars. What is on those covers is an air brushed, computer enhanced (and surgically enhanced) version of the reality. That model in real life can’t even compete with herself on the cover let alone your average woman. These images are out there however so what’s an ordinary wife to do?
First things first. Your husband married you. He loves you. Gain your confidence from the knowledge that you are excepted by this man who chose you to be his wife. There is a certain amount of trust involved here. Find out what clothes he likes to see you in. How he likes your hair and make-up. Make a sincere effort to be attractive to him. It doesn’t take much to wear clothes he likes and put a little make-up on if he likes it. I’m not suggesting that you have to be dressed up at all times but I am suggesting that you put a little thought and effort into being attractive to him. He would love you no matter what you looked like. Take that for granted. Don’t make him prove to you that he loves you despite days of not showering and never getting out of your jammies.
He is exposed to other images everywhere he goes so help him in his battle to visualize you instead. Give him the chance to see you and form tons of mental images of you in your beauty even if you don’t see the beauty. The point is he does and you need to see this through his eyes. Think of his needs. These are the images you want him to see in his mind’s eye during the day. So, change your clothes in front of him, shower with him, make love with candles burning or a light on. Take this seriously. Take the risk. He will love you all the more for it.
Husbands, when your wife does this, comment on it. She doesn’t know what you are thinking. Tell her what you find attractive and tell her how great she looks when she has made the effort to look good for you. Please be specific. It’s helpful. Tell her if you have specific images of her that you especially love. Reward her efforts and encourage her. If you are both working at this you will both benefit from it. Trust each other and help each other. That’s what a marriage is all about, right.